Thanks for the fireworks

To my neighbors regarding their July 4th celebration:

I would like to thank you for your irresponsible fireworks use! It’s amazing to me that someone that can figure out how to light a rocket actually lacks the ability to comprehend that the rockets will land on someone else’s house or property. I would like to thank you for allowing my kids to pick up 22 rockets from my yard – I’ll see if I can get that debris back to you this week.

In short, for those lacking the brain cells to comprehend that what goes up must come down - your 4th of July rockets actually land on someone else’s lawn or roof after you shoot them – I know it’s a radical concept for you. So next year, hopefully, someone will land a still-burning rocket on your roof or car – it leaves some exceptionally cool marks! Or perhaps you will use the few remaining brain cells you have and launch your rockets over somewhere safe – that would be not over a stranger’s house.

For those of you that use your fireworks responsibly – thank you, the show was great. For those that do so after a few too many Pabst Blue Ribbons – may you experience the collateral damage of fireworks in the near future and serve as a Darwin candidate.